The Lovely Loser

Hello there, internet.

I just thought I would express my love for theme parks aimed at children much younger than me, as I went to one yesterday and had one of the best days of my life (slight exaggeration). 

The absolute highlight was the talking tree. It ACTUALLY SPOKE! Well… there was some poor bloke sat inside it with a microphone talking to all these kids who were totally shell-shocked that this tree was actually talking to them. Bless him.

Although, what an incredible job! You could go into a job interview and they’d be like “What was your last job?” and you could say, “Oh, yeah, I was a professional tree.” AMAZING.

Screw being a writer, I want to be a tree!